If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
