Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
