i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
