i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Boobs are out for the taking
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
