How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
