Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
