Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize