I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
