I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
