my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
