you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
