youre lurking in front of me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
