Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
