at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize