Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
