Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
