I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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