and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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