Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
