i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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