I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
