i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
