I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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