He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Panties = found
Randomize
