guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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