so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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