I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
