You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We have so much sex to catch up on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
