i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
