She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I AM VODKA MAN
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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