He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think i got beer on your cat.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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