I'm drive I can fine osifer
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
