Got a toothbrush?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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