my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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