the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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