I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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