i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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