it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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