I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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