Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
