You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
