My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
