too bad you live with your parents still
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
