In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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