You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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