I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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