So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
