How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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