They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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