Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
