Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
