I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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