Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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