can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
