Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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