Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
