I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize