the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
