SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
