I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
