I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
