So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
