She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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