Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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