So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
