Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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