trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
