my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i came on her dog
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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