so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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