Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
