After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
