im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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