You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
bring money and cleavage
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
