I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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