if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
