Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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