after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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