Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
