I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish I only lived at night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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