My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
