Can i not drive my cunt home
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
