i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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