oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just had sex bonerless
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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