I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize