she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize