AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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