Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
