friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
