So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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