pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
