How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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