3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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