I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
