listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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