I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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