I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize