My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
