He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
