I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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