Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
