Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
