i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
