I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
