So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
