I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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