I want to have your abortion
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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