Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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